MAN ISSUED SUMMONS FOR LAUGHING IN HIS OWN HOME

Sometimes a story is so absurd you just have to laugh, just don’t do it too loudly. 42-year-old Robert Schiavelli of Long Island has been issued two court summonses for laughing too loudly in his own home.  Schiavelli, who has seizures and other neurological problems, claims he laughs as a defense mechanism against neighbor Dan  O’Hanian, a bully who often teases him about his disability. The two neighbors have been feuding for a year, and last month O’Hanian apparently made two complaints about the noise. Surprisingly, a judge refused to throw them out and now Schiavelli could face up to $500 in fines or 30 days in jail. Well, that’s no laughing matter.

MOM TRIES TO GET HER KIDS TO KILL IN-LAWS

We’ve heard of hiring a hitman, but hiring hitchildren?! That’s just wrong on a whole other level. A Florida woman was arrested this week after she allegedly plotted to have her young kids murder her in-laws! Leticia Silva, 31, is accused of mailing her daughters, ages 7 and 9, a knife from jail last December. She reportedly instructed the kids to use the blade to kill their paternal grandparents, whom they lived with in North Carolina. The bizarre plot was foiled after the children’s grandmother found the knife under one of the girl’s pillows last month. Silva lost custody of her children after she was arrested for possession of methamphetamines and sent to prison. Now, she won’t be getting out any time soon! She was charged with four counts of first-degree solicitation to commit murder and is being held under a $5 million secured bond. She won’t be getting any mother of the year awards either

MAN TRIES TO HIDE BEER DOWN HIS PANTS

Is that a can of PBR in your pants or are you just happy to see me? A 26-year-old man in Massachusetts tried to steal two cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer from a liquor store last month by shoving them down his pants. When an employee confronted him about it and asked him what the bulge around his ankle was, Jonathan Scull told her it was his penis. Wishful thinking! When the woman pointed out that the bulge was clearly not his genitals, the man took one of the cans and chucked it at her head! Then he ran away. Cops caught up with him and charged him with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, resisting arrest and shoplifting.